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Sunday, October 10, 2010

Conflict, a normal part of every relationship


We may not want to believe it, but all relationship face challenges. From the time you make your first friend, to sparring with an older sibling, and eventually conflicting with a spouse, each of us wonders how normal we can be if we are arguing with the ones we love the most. The fact is though, even healthy relationships face conflict in some form.

Each of us brings a different personality and perspective to the relationship and that's what draws people to us in the first place. Our different personalities help determine how we initially deal, or in some cases, not deal with conflict. Inevitable as conflict may be, there are some costly ways of handling the situation that may end up causing more problems for relationships. Before your next argument, think about whether any of these labels matches the way you deal with conflict in your relationships.

  • Ignoring: Some people just don't say anything until the anger and resentment builds up so much they're ready to explode. When it surfaces, it's usually done in an angry, hurtful way. To some this is the less stressful route, but ultimately causes more tension, resentment and a bigger argument.

  • Defending: It's easy to assume you are always right and your partner is always wrong, but reality is, everyone has responsibility in the argument and steadfastly denying any wrongdoing only creates bigger problems as your partner starts to feel like you aren't listening to them. This also comes in to play when you are trying to "win" the argument. Winning in this case means finding middle ground and resolving the conflict, not finding out that you are wrong or right.

  • Blaming: Some people handle conflict by criticizing and blaming their partner. They may think that admitting wrongdoing is a sign of weakness on their part. They'll avoid it all costs and can end up harming the relationship with their inability to analyze the situation objectively and use it as an opportunity to solve the issue in the best interest of both parties.

  • Name calling: Sometimes people associate negative behaviors with personality flaws. Your husband may leave his socks lying around, but labeling him as "lazy" creates a negative perception, not a positive solution for the issue. Remembering to respect your partner, even if you don't like his or her actions, can help you focus on the solution rather than biting words you may regret in the end.

  • The stone: Sometimes people put up a defensive wall and refuse to talk or listen to their partner when a troubling issue arises. This shows disrespect and contempt for the situation and can cause the underlying issue to grow. It certainly can affect the positive energy of a relationship when one partner feels like their opinion doesn't matter to the other.

It's never easy to overcome a conflict in a relationship. It takes hard work, determination and patience. The most effective way to help your relationships grow and remain intact is to face them together. If you find yourself in a sticky situation, talk. Your partner may be feeling the same tension or miscommunication and working through it as a cohesive unit will promote a much healthier and open relationship. Many conflicts in personal relationships can be avoided by taking time to acknowledge and listen to another person's point of view. Learning to be flexible to the ever shifting needs and quirks of the partnership will ensure resiliency and strength in the relationship. Remember that all conflict is not unhealthy, it all depends on the way you handle it and the way you and your loved ones solve problems.

Sumber : sini (thanks senior)

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3 comments:

budakhodoh said...

i choose ignoring la. sbb saya rasa, jaga perasaan/ hati orang lagi bagus. sbb kalau tak jaga, gaduh lagi teruk. then benda kecik, jadi besar..btw, tq for sharing :)

ken said...

discussing about it is probably the best method.. that's if both are willing to give in and listen =)

DrKaren said...

These are all really good points!

As a relationship expert (www.ChoiceRelationships.com), I would like to add that couples need to know that conflicts are bound to happen. But here's the good news: there are skills they can learn so that they can handle them better. When they do, their partnerships fare much better. I offer a free teleseminar, "The 7 Tools to Manage Conflict Communication in Your Relationship." To hear it, go to: http://choicerelationships.com/teleseminar_resources.